My name is Christian and I'm an addict.
Alas, I'm the type that gets hooked on people and belief systems and the book learning and not the fun kind of addict. Can't even do that right.
So, while I appreciate the surgical precision of the We're Done Here-type text, apparently that's a dick move, bro. I hurt and this, apparently, is my outrage.
I'm having some issues with the anger portion of my grief process. A little too hung up on the her head is phenomenal and I'll miss it stage. Baby steps, y'all.
Again, no support system. This is me working through my issues. I've been on Vacation the past 8 days. Some days are better than others. I've been throwing myself into everything. Inner game. outer game. Buddhism. Strong role model-type movies. Comedies.
I knew I'd hit rock bottom when I read a relationship recovery book by Dr. (who gave this guy a degree?) Phil. But, I can and do learn something from everyfuckingbody. Blow me.
I have to admit, the ease with which I've been eradicated from the life of someone I've shared time and had unprotected sex with astounds me. Her Kung Fu is strong, and I'm going to ask where she learned that particular technique, as I have literally no boundaries.
Except sounding. That shit's just loco. And that part of Smilla's Sense of Snow (the book; I ain't a criminal, I can read, bitch) where she sticks her clit in some dude's peehole. THAT haunts my dreams.
So, I'm reading Russell Brand's Revolution (I may have to start attending some meetings - especially the sex addict ones, those just sound like target-rich environments) and watching Elf. And I was updating my quotes so I thought why not post? I'm in the moment and out of my head. Right now. Brand's a little hard to follow and I'm not a Will Ferrell fan, but I need to giggle.
At least she hasn't blocked me as a LinkedIn connection. I've become addicted to that, too. Actually sending out invites and shit. Guy, girl, whoever. Not concerned with the outcome. Again, baby steps.
And even replied to the text where I acknowledged my failure to always be attracting (burn that into your memory, y'all, tattoo it if needs be) and thanked her for the gifts of time, clarity and absence. I'm trying some strategies. Blow me or blow me out.
The worst thing that can happen with a woman is she won't blow you. J's already not blowing me, so really no risk involved. So I'll keep trying to get that mouth back into my life. Words mean nothing and can be used to say anything. Again, learn it. Live it. Love it.
So, I've played this one completely wrong. I'm ONS, not LTR. I have the phone, text and e-mail game to sleep with almost any woman. Once. After that, shit goes south. Alas, I'm lazy. I attract. I hit it. I fail to quit it. Always looking for that steady supply of head so I can keep mine clear.
Am working on it. May vent further about my issues.
I've noticed that her hot daughter, who I thought looked only slightly like her in the actual and factual, is the younger, finer, spitting image of her in the photography. And yes, I think about the daughter more than the ex.
How can I use the inherent insecurity (I know, hello pot, kettle calling) of the older woman towards the younger model, especially when said younger model is the target's daughter, to my advantage?
My new motto: What Would JT Do?
I'm going to be just fine. Peace, y'all. I've got some more of the book learning to do. I'm healing.