Okay, so whilst I've been putting in the right work for the wrong reasons (I've since learned that it wasn't entirely my fault; yay, progress!), I find myself on the horns of a dilemma:
I'm visualizing her blowing me again because it's what I want.
I need to replace said visualization as it's the best, most vivid memory I have of every woman I've been with (my # is Not Nearly Enough, BTW) with another vivid image so I can move the fuck on.
What's a boy to do?
Opinions and suggestions (preferably physically possible ones) are more than welcomed.
Getting some awfully mixed signals.
At 2:23 this morning, she texted me a meme showing the difference between Nescience and Ignorance. Um, Pumpkin, I'm tragically aware of my ignorance. And ignoring it.
So, at 4:30 I texted a link to a Psychology Today article on the joys of makeup and breakup sex.
Mostly I'm just unthrilled I didn't hear the text, as I was sleeping. I keep strange hours, sue me.
This after she texted me at 12:15 the night before to tell me she didn't owe me anything.
It is difficult for me as supportive guy to become toxic dude and lead her into my frame of her sucking my cock again. Stupid moral compass. But I'm trying.
So, as best I can tell, the mixed signals are:
- if there's no interest whatsoever, don't text
- texting negative messages during prime breakup sex hours
- just fucking say that you're banging someone else at the time you text
I'm assuming she's already banging someone else and preferring to think that she waited until after (she had more notice than I did) she kicked me curbside to do so. It does turn out, however, that I'm less attached to her than i thought. I still love her, but I don't like her a great deal right now.
Which will lead to hate fucking of the hard pounding variety (our lovemaking was more often of the closeness and rapport flavor; what? I'm in touch with my shit, blow me) that all girls need when they're being lead into the frame of submission. Yay, goals!
Early day today, so peace y'all.