Song of the Day: the Doors - Summer's Almost Gone. What? It can't always be about NKOTBSB or whatever the fuck they're called.
And we're off:
Everytime I hear someone say they're going to tap that, I think of maple syrup. And Vermont. And the movie Seven.
If you use the phrase 'piece of cake' around me, you'd best have cake. Or pie. I'm just saying.
You're not really in a relationship until you see your partner's profile on Ashley Madison. And how discreet can it really be, if everybody knows about it? Which reminds me, I have to change my status to 'in a relationship' because I technically am. But not really. I knew this was cathartic.
I don't get homophobia. At all. Let me break it down in its simplest form for those of y'all of a troglodyte bent: every other guy that smokes pole is one less guy you have to compete with for pussy. Add it all up and it spells DUH! I wish every guy was gay. I heartily encourage homosexuality.
And, of course, lesbianism. It's a cool visual. Female bisexuality goes without saying.
Hookers give you the strangest looks when you ask if you can be Facebook friends. They do, however, giggle when you break up with them during The Girlfriend Experience (Movie of the Day) and, oh my, the makeup sex. And, it's cute to see a jaded whore giggle like a schoolgirl. Or maybe that's just me. It usually is.
Cops get kind of pissy when you run them off the road and attempt a citizen's arrest when you see them lane change without signalling (a personal pet peeve, of which there are a few). And then...it's Rodney King redux.
Deleting her numbers from your phone is a good idea. Unless, like me, you're blessed or, shall we say, cursed with a near photographic memory. Then you wish you were Ben Affleck in Paycheck. And not just because he ends up with (and on the eighth day, god (or whoever) created) Uma Thurman and a pile of cash moneys, either. Well, mostly.
I'm such a non-conformist that I never learned to tie my shoes the way everybody else does. Fuck that noise, not how I roll. Nope, for me it's 2 loops and the world be damned.
Aw, who'm I kidding, I have a girl that does that for me. Doesn't everybody?
I just finished this book on bad boyfriend stories (so as to learn from the mistakes of others), and I'm oh so very glad that none of my exes (one of whom does, in fact, live in Texas, thank you Mr. Strait) is a writer. I do, however, like to think that each of them (nope, not nearly as many as you'd think) has a nasty nickname by which she remembers me.
I kinda like the thought of being known as the Antichrist. You know, for those of them that still tune in on occasion.
I've got my own little spin on the Premiums Vs. Discounts theory, so as to quite simply explain it to the, you know, quite simple:
When it comes to the womenfolks, son, there are 2 flavors. There are Camerons (read Diaz - relatively self-explanatory, even if she does need implants) and Camryns (Mannheim - also pretty straightforward). Camerons are for (gasp) relationships or better things. Camryns are the ones you get to buy you things, wash your car, clean your house, all the little things you don't have time for because you're busy with your Cameron.
Hope this helps.
Enjoy your Hump Day, y'all, research has it that folks are most likely to end a date in sex on Wednesdays. What? Some folks worry about reality shows and news and such. I worry about the important things. You're welcome.