suavely deranged

Since I'm going to be undertaking the arduous process of fabricating a resume and then firing off said documents hither, thither and yon (I really think that last phrase is going to make a comeback soon; you saw it here first) at some point today, I'm just filled with good tidings and cheer, so a few 'thoughts':

Whoever had the brilliant idea to pitch the Jonas Brothers (where the FUCK did these guys come from, anyway? I've a sneaking suspicion that either Rod Serling or Alfred Hitchcock was involved somehow) as the new Monkees for their show on the Disney Channel (yes, I've watched it, I go the extra mile for y'all...the blonde chick is kinda Fly) needs to be canonized as the patron saint of TV.

Now, before y'all go burning me at the stake for this one, please to remember what they taught you in Sunday school or would've if you'd Gone, you godless heathens: In order to become a Saint, one first has to be martyred. And them Christian folks had some mighty fine and creative ways of martyring other folks. I can likely think of a few that would be fitting my ownself.

And yes, I really does talk like that.

Now they have Law and Order U.K. For what? For why?

What they really need is like Law and Order Canada. I mean, just think of it, dog sleds, mounties, pretty colored moneys, Tim Hortons, folks running around saying aboot and eh for no particular reason. Gold. Gold, I tell you. Maybe I'll write a spec script, having all this free time on my hands and all (Song of the Day: Styx- Too Much Time on My Hands).

I've decided to part with my trusty 2 tin cans and a really long piece of string apparatus and venture out of my cave today to purchase me one of them cellphone dealios. Although hopes still remain high that I can find an actual working shoe phone. And Anne Hathaway as Agent 99, but that's another tale, best left for my upcoming tour of the brothels of Nevada.

Mostly I just want it for the camera. I go to a fair amount of concerts and other venues wherefore one often can't enter with a camera (should one, in fact, even THINK of taking one; again, another story), but a phone isn't a problem. Plus, it would've been useful (even my hindsight is nearsighted, by the way; note to self: lose the rose colored glasses) when the MILF was posing for me and showing me her thong at work.

As an added bonus, it's a workable indirect opener. Chicks all are glued to their cellphones, although not quite to the extent of the unfortunate narcissist in Seven, but I'm working on it. Hmmm, maybe I'll watch Seven today. Soooo, I've been asking for recommendations, operating under the notion that women love to have their opinion solicited. I'm all about the solicitation. No, wait, that doesn't sound right. At least not morally. Accurate, however, that's a different kettle of fish.

I'm curious. No, not Bi-. Get your minds out the gutter, people. This is a clean act. Bring the kids.