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  • Um, dude, you dumped ME

    So, this is pretty much normal, right?

    I called the ex the other night, from my LJBF's house (I wrangled a free birthday dinner out of her, on the pretense of returning her Veronica Mars Season II DVD; having FINALLY procured my own copy the same day, and Kristen Bell is right, her smile really IS infectious; what? I read People, especially when I have some free time at the job.), having a 3 day weekend (still can't believe that I scored me a paid day off work for my birthday) and not being happy about the way things got left the day before (still can't believe I let myself be associated with her not feeling well; the things I do for barbecue and cake) and wanting to be with her. Yes, I still have feelings for her. Yes, I realize that's verboten. No, I don't care. What can I say, at the moment a scarcity mentality is one of my sticking points.

    Anyhoo, she gives me grief about how I should just bang my LJBF. Whom I've known for years and never even kissed. Hell, we've never even held hands or any of that junior high shit. Although we did almost get married once; it was quite romantic, damn near fairy tale actually: she needed a green card. Which is the kind of story that I need to start refining. Along with all the other things I'm socially inept at.

    And then I can't get ahold of her all week. Truthfully, of late, she's been understandably more busy than she ever was before, less willing to hang with your humble narrator. So, today, I finally do and she asks if I called yesterday, which I did, from work. To which she replies that she received a call yesterday a.m. from my LJBF's cell phone. Now, 4 days is a long time for someone who doesn't have a land line to still have a number on redial, n'est pas?

    The LJBF disavows any knowledge. I like to think that after I scored a Wii for her (oh my yes, I'll be paid back; my car desperately needs to be washed and don't even get me started on how badly my house needs a good racial cleansing) when we received a shipment at work yesterday that she wouldn't do me like that. Even if she won't hook me up with her Premium friends. Especially the one what looks like Briana Banks.

    The ex knew her name.

    My crazy born again friend (whom I'm not sure I'll forgive for not calling or e-mailing on my birthday, as even acquaintances and those from the past managed to) what introduced me to the LJBF lo these many years ago has previously e-mailed the ex on Facebook with regards to me.

    These things tend to follow me around. But I'm sure it happens to everyone. Or maybe it's just Karma curbstomping me for the way I mistreated a nice, sweet, if Discount virgin once upon a time when I was in a spite fuck frame of mind after similar circumstances had occurred. I can't wait to see what happens next.

     

    Add it all up and it spells: these bitches be crazy. C'est la vie. I've got another 3 day weekend to mull and, you know, beat myself up over all of this. Or not. Whatever. Transformers is on Movie Central tonight, and I just finished watching Good Luck Chuck (loved the gratuitous nudity, adored Jessica, kinda hated the flick, even if it was harmless enough). Or maybe, since the ex is again too busy to hang out (yeah, I know the 3 times rule, even know I've been giving it to her like THAT of late, god bless the casual sex; and the latex), maybe I'll take the LJBF up on her offer to chill with her and Briana Jr. tonight, even though I'm in a place wherefore I don't really feel like leaving the house unless I'll be getting my dick sucked.

    Or stopping at Taco Bell. It could go either way. Perhaps both.

    Yeah, I know, call me old fashioned. Well, that and I'm not really feeling up to putting in that kind of work today. But I likely will anyway.

     

    Happy Anniversary to Mario and Bernice.

     

    Here's hoping my folks have them a safe flight tomorrow.

     

    I'm eagerly counting down the days until the Beverly Hills 90210 spinoff ensues this fall. And yet, at the same time, I'm saddened by the fact that Seasons I and II are now $20, long after I bought them. Especially since I haven't got around to watching them and still have to buy III and IV. I did, however, take advantage of the fact that the first 2 seasons of Melrose Place are now the same price. Since I was shopping for my own birthday gift while my car was in the shop and all.

     

    Blah blah blah. Yada yada yada.

     

    So I finally got around to watching Fight Club again last weekend. I really need to get it on DVD, since the VCR attached to my big screen TV pretty much only deigns to play one tape, the only one it'll effectively record programs on and, being a complete dunderhead, I find myself unable and/or unwilling to switch it out for my backup. Too many wires.

    But I digress. Like the way I do. I learned a lot from it, about letting shit go, not being attached to anything or anyone, and channelling my inner Tyler Durden. Admittedly, the first time I saw it (with the LJBF, I kinda miss going to flicks with her back in the day, before she grew up (died?) and got married; she's since gotten divorced, inevitably), I wasn't able to appreciate the wisdom therein, but now I do. The pickup gurus are so right about this one.

    Which reminds me, I really need to shave my lumpy, typewriter head this weekend. Get back to basics and shit.

     

    I really enjoy my free VirtuaGirl trial.

     

    So, I was dismayed to discover that, whilst watching an edited (curse you, AMC, shakes fist and growls) version of longtime fave Navy Seals, that it just wasn't as good as I remembered it being. Not even Charlie Sheen's landmark performance could redeem it. Sigh. I really must be getting older.

    I am, however, really beginning to enjoy me some Two and A Half Men. I had no idea it has been aroun for 5 seasons. And I'm also learning a great deal from good ol' Uncle Charlie. And how NOT to be from Alan. It's good to have role models, ain't it.

     

    All right, Uncle Charlie's on TV now, so I'm out. Enjoy your long weekend, y'all. Be good and be safe.

     

  • Mothers of the Day

    To quote the Motleys, Tropicana's where I lost my heart.

    Again, why do I take sand to the beach or, in this case, womenfolks to Las Vegas? Why keep beating my head against the writing on the wall?

     

    It's been a long time since I've done a list, and today simply seemed apropos. Nope, never forget Mother's Day, especially this year, whence it falls one day after my birthday.

    Chronological Age: 36

    Mental Age: Oh, let's go with 12

    Social Age: Going out on a limb, 3rd grade

     

    Much love to all the folks what sent well wishes the past few days. Hell, I even got 2 cards from the powers-that-be at my new job. AND a paid flex day off (which I'm using tomorrow) for said blessed day. Two of my staff even bought me doughnuts, and it's completely a coincidence that performance reviews are due on the 16th. Completely.

    Actually, since I'm not even doing said reviews...it just might be.

    A hearty much obliged to the ex-GF (and a hearty FUCK you to whoever informed her that the limit on post-breakup-type casual sex is 3 occasions) for providing me with cake, jello, barbecue and gifts. The only thing missing from last year at this time was the lengthy blowjob. Yes, I will be consoling myself with cake later.

    I did, however, get to watch Rounders again. Love that movie. Still hate Matt Damon. AND, said ex didn't make me drive home in my half-asleep, incapable of driving-type condition. In return, I didn't write a goodbye note in permanent marker on her arm when she passed out. See, I really DO have a soul.

    And I learned the peril of associating oneself with a woman's negatory (in this case, PMS) headspace when one is seeking to be BF-Lite. All the perks, none of the drama. So the day wasn't a total loss.

     

    Mindy McCready used to be FINE. Argument enough as to why steroids are verboten. But I digress. I do that.

     

    I liked Miley Cyrus's Vanity Fair spread. Even if I was mildly troubled by it. See what I mean?

     

    The list, in no particular order:

     

    1) My Moms (okay, maybe this one IS in order. yes, I'll be calling her later, even if she IS screening my calls. after I recover from yesterday's crushing disappointment and go through the motions of moping and shit; typical Sunday hereabouts.)

     

    2) Barbara Alyn Woods (the fine MILF from One Tree Hill, glad to see her back on the show. what? it's Doe Season, after all (to drop some Stephen Nash on y'all), and I suddenly find myself thrown back into the deep end of the dating pool this sunny a.m. and I've NO idea how to swim, yet another in my seemingly endless line of quirks.)

     

    3) YOUR Mom (call her. send flowers. whatever. y'all know the drill.)

     

    4) Mandy Moore's Mom (for blessing us with the divine Ms. M. why, yes, I'm circling the wagons and getting back to basics (ie. pining away for The One) today. I'm not really used to having me a 3 day weekend.)

     

    5) The Geophysicist's Mom (what can I say, the ex-GF and I had a good run. yes, I knew it was over, I just didn't know the day. luckily, she had the decency to wait until after Valentine's Day, when we returned from the aforementioned Tropicana Resort and Casino, to kick me to the curb. let's see, other than the 8 years (off and on) that I once maintained me a fuck buddy, the year and change I spent with M would be the longest relationship I've ever sustained. and that includes the time I got married; which M was goodly enough to burst my every time I have sex (still being technically married and all), it's adultery bubble by theorizing that perhaps certain legal-type documents needed to be filed upon my return from LV in order to make my unholy matrimony official and shit. which was, to drop some (sorely missed) Stevie Ray Vaughn on y'all (did I mention my penchant for the digression?): a Cold Shot, baby. yes, I foolishly still have feelings for her, and hopes remain high that yesterday was merely a blip and she does not, in fact, know about the 3 occasions rule, post-breakup relations-wise. just in case, let's keep that one on the DL, 'kay?)

     

    Wow, I really DO ramble, don't I?

     

    The bright side:

    - free 3 week trial of Playboy.com arrived in the mail

    - free preview of 4 new movie channels

    - the aforementioned Oreo cake

    - Johnny Cueto's start against the Mets is on TV

    - I don't have to be back at work until Tuesday night

    - nothing's been decided yet, I simply need to revise my tactics and rebuild my skill set, as I've grown accustomed to having me a safety net

     

    Anyway, cake and Two and a Half Men are calling. Enjoy your Sunday, y'all. Holla at your boy, he needs to get out the house. Although time spent at home can be devoted to homework. Pray for me.