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  • Women of the Day 08/31/06

    Nope, haven't heard back from the ex-wife yet. To be fair, though, it's taken me over 8 months to get around to replying to HER last e-mail.


    I don't know how to play quarters. And I've come to the painful realization that I don't have anyone whom it would occur to me to drunkdial. Sigh. But hopes remain high.


    Yet again, it is raining on my day off, but I simply refuse to acknowledge it; he who has the most Vivid reality wins. Anyway, it's a nifty day to just sit and chill and do some homework, as I have a mere 9 days until my newly acquired theories and skills will be put to the test with womenfolks what actually know me (poor bastards). Then, I will decide what works and what doesn't before attempting to cold approach.

    Today was a fine case in point of why I SO need me a wingwoman (any takers? y'all have the address): there was a 4-set of fine young college girls sitting at a table in the food court of my local mall, just fucking BEGGING to be opened. But alas, no pivot for me. Don't get me wrong, I totally AM different now than that lovable eccentric what was always taking shots at himself all the livelong day; but, even though I'm confident, I'm also aware that attempting to open a 4-set (and, the 5th that showed up during the 15 minutes I spent purchasing groceries) solo is still just a smidge like skiing the Olympic slopes your first day. Or some other similar simile and/or metaphor. Note to self: work on similes and metaphors. Tell better stories. Read romance novels. The womenfolks love the playful, witty banter. And the big words, too.


    Song of the Day: Steve Perry- Oh Sherrie. Yet another of the many many MANY songs I USED to have on my computer before it fell down and went boom. I do believe it may even be the theme for the forthcoming week of study and cramming and such before next week's midterm.


    On the happy news tip: I managed to score me a 2nd row floor seat (yeah, I'm gonna drop $75 on a 2nd seat to try and impress some chick what will then conclude me a doormat; dating is for women you're already banging, and why would I ever bring sand to the beach? see, I really DID learn something from the night I took a woman to see the Go Go's on the Beach at Mandalay Bay and ended up marrying her a few hours later) for the forthcoming Goo Goo Dolls show by waiting for all avaialable tickets to go up for sale. Sometimes (okay, maybe just this once) Patience really does pay off.


    The list:


    1) Cheyenne Kimball (nope, haven't watched her reality show. nope, not going to. haven't heard any of her songs, either. but I know that it was a REALLY good idea not to go and see her recent mall appearance at the fountain of commerce nearest the shithole wherefore I work. avoiding such situations is what keeps me out of jail, after all.)


    2) Komodia (a goddess of happiness and amusement. I may just be building me a shrine later.)


    3) Kellemarie (Penthouse Pet of the Month, May 2001, turned porn star of the timeless every guy's fantasy flick Busty Cops 2. nice tat, too. good location, also.)


    4) Lana Kinnear (36-24-34 blue-eyed blonde goddess who was in Austin Powers 2; has been on episodes of Baywatch and The Man Show; and has been featured in videos by Kid Rock, The Offspring, and Hole. check her out at Absolute Lana.com.)


    5) Ksenia Kahnovich (5'11'' 32-23.5-35 Siberian IMG Model. you know, you hear how bleak Siberia is and then you come across someone like this and, before you realize it...you're booking a flight. or mayhap that's just me.)


    Well, I'm off to work on The Cube and how to interpret it. Enjoy your Thursday, y'all. Naturally, since I filled up my shiny new automobile with fuel on Tuesday, gasoline prices have dropped significantly. Rejoice. Take advantage. Go forth and multiply. Whatever. And ever. Amen.

  • Another Wild (My) Friday Night

    At long last, I finally have internet porn at my disposal. Good Times. Let's just say it's been missed.

    AND, a surprising discovery has been made (this is my first day with my old, real computer hooked up again): the boys in the shop, to make up for keeping my baby for 7 weeks, have upgraded my 80 GB hard drive to a Cool 220 GB. Much obliged to them for that.


    Thanks to Suzanne for stopping by again after a lengthy absence. Good to see you back and congratulations on your nuptials. Needless to say, they'll turn out better than mine own.

    Today is the 37th birthday of my all-but-ex-wife. Coincidentally enough, on the 1 year anniversary of Katrina, which makes it easily recalled. To commemorate the occasion, I sent her the following e-mail:


    Happy Birthday. I hope you and the girls are doing well and that the annulment is proceeding smoothly.



    What can I say? I'm kinda sentimental like that. Fucking sue me.


    Note to self: Be sure to watch out for them angry villagers.


    My new pickup line (feel free to offer feedback): So, what high school do you go to?

    Needless to say, I'll only be using this one on, shall we say, the more mature womenfolks. Like, say, 35+.


    It's kinda neat to see The Rock attempting to expand his acting skills by doing one of them feel-good-type flicks, Gridiron Gang. Nope, never gonna see it, but still.


    Billy Ray Cyrus has aged surprisingly well, he's on a new show, Hannah Montana, on the Family Channel; which is ALL about his hot daughter, Miley. She's kinda DAMN for, you know, jailbait.


    I was quite dismayed the other night, flipping through Seventeen magazine before my shift at work, to discover that said rag is pretty much all ads and clothes and ads for clothes. Dude, I want to know how the teenage womenfolks' minds work, so I can hook up with 'em. The FUCK do I care about ads and clothes and ads for said clothes?


    Off to see how big of a barrel of Vasoline will fit in my shiny new automobile and begin preparations for our forthcoming softball windup party. Let's just say there aren't a lot of possibilities when one works graveyard shifts. Or opportunities to try out some of the shiny new things I've learned of late.

  • Women of the Day 08/25/06

    Quelle surprise, turns out my automobile troubles were ALL my fault. Yes, I'm taking it like a man; it's not failure, it's feedback. No, I'm NOT my behavior.

    Unfortunately, I can't write THIS one off as merely being a drunken Vegas thing. Sigh.

    And, just to make a perfectly fucked up day complete, I managed to punt an entire jug of water all over my telephone, thereby destroying that, too. See yesterday's title.

    A hearty much obliged to Cindy for making the day a little more bearable. Nope, no details on that, either.

    On the plus side, I've managed to kinda sorta field test my new approach and, thus far, all signs are favorable. Naturally, I'll give it further days in court, including trying it out on the shapely young adorable around whom it's based. Turns out women love to give advice and have their opinion solicited. Or maybe they're just stunned by it.


    And on with the show, in no particular order:


    1) Kimmy (My Hot New Neighbor, who, at 11 a.m. Tuesday, as I was out on my deck enjoying some rich tobaccoey goodness, was having several loud orgasms whilst being eaten out with her bedroom window open. oh, the mouth on her. nearly made me blush. note to self: go back to university. again, my neighborhood is really quite Cool.)


    2) Kat (a nice lady I play softball with, who because of 2 somewhat large obstacles, I haven't really spoken to overly much: a) her brother also plays on the team, thereby serving to block all interested parties and 2) she strongly resembles the first woman what ever broke my heart. she's nice, though, hasn't spit in my face or taken a swing at me yet.)


    3) Kelly (a nice lady I play volleyball with, whom I never really took much notice of until late in the season when she let her hair down and turned out to be kinda DAMN! fairly good player, too; nice serve. sadly, as seems to be the trend of late, I believe she's taken. maybe I'll ask my one-itis if she knows this one's status.)


    4) Kimmy H. (a kinda young, kinda goofy former coworker with an endearing gap-toothed smile and an even more endearing rack what used to flirt with me all the time, especially whenever her BF was around. hmmm...I still have her cell #.)


    5) Krista (AKA K(1). another nice lady from our softball team. actual friend as opposed to LJBF. I find her friendliness kinda contagious and hope to incorporate it somewhat into my own little strategies. no, I'm not just saying that because I still hope she'll wing/pivot (a woman is the bestest wingperson) for me with her hot friends, either. I genuinely feel that way. well, that and she's familiar with this little atrocity and as a future lawyer; I don't want to give her the opportunity to test out her situational ethics on me.)


    And I'm off. To fix me a steak. To peruse the PUA sites, as I've got to take a crash course before a certain party 2 weeks from tomorrow. To pine away for my car, which supposedly (touch wood) will be ready sometime today. To work my merry way through Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden again. To see if I can score me a better seat for the Goo Goo Dolls concert (the Evil Empire Ticketmaster releases the remainder of the seats today). And to try not to beat myself up too much over my latest and, to date, most costly gaffe.

    Wish me luck.