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  • Very Little Ado About...

    Y'all know the rest.

    A little pressed for time this p.m., so on with the show.


    The copy of Leaves of Grass that I smoked page 37 of was from the University of Calgary library, so if anybody signs it out and is wondering wherefore said page went; it was sacrificed to my pursuit of the ultimate high. Sorry about that, chief. Whilst I'd like to say that somebody told me the book itself was actually made of weed..uh, no. I'm just kind of a dolt.

    Speaking of smoking the wrong thing, it seems that pedophiles in the Netherlands are attempting to form their own political party. Lest y'all think that that country is perfect because of the legalized drugs. Here's hoping that they fail and crawl back under their rocks. As long as one innocent suffers, there can be no god. Although godliness IS possible. Mathematically improbable, but not impossible. I'll let you know how it goes.


    My 7 Year Itch came after about 7 days. I was, after all, on the accelerated plan, courtship and marriage-wise. Now If Only the inevitable annulment/divorce would proceed anywhere near as rapidly.


    Song of the Day: the Raconteurs- Steady As She Goes. Mostly because I like the band's name. Jack White totally reminds me of one of them dastardly-type silent movie villains, twirling his handlebar mustache whilst tying a shapely young adorable to the railroad tracks; and, as such, kinda creeps me out. The song itself ain't bad, however. And gets better every time I hear it. Love me some Meg, though. Yes, I know she's not in this band, but it still seemed worth mentioning. As much as anything else I say, anyway. See above.


    Ontario and Quebec are the latest provinces to jump on the fascist anti-smoking bandwagon. I'll say it again, thank heaven for Las Vegas, wherefore one can smoke anyfuckingwhere. Drink alcohol, too. Gamble. Let's call a spade a spade: it's simply a little piece of heaven right here on earth.


    It seems that a Malaysian dude has Lorena Bobbitted HIMSELF to prove his faithfulness to his wife. Well, let's us see: he's proven his stupidity. His wife will now pretty much have to be unfaithful, unless he regains full range of motion. Dude, next time, just get a tattoo or a brand or something. Some folks are really just much too stupid to live. And they all seem to shop at the store wherefore I work. Which is another reason why I work nights. The extra shift premiums don't Hurt, either.


    I really Wish someone would've mentioned this Chinese kid with the 3rd arm to me. Although, with the way the Hey Jealousy (to drop some Gin Blossoms on y'all) factor is kicking in at the moment, I can see why noone did. That extra arm would be more than useful at work, at play, on dates (should I ever again go on one), in all sorts of ways.


    A woman has successfully sued a high priced matchmaker for $2.1 million dollars for failing to deliver on its promises to her. I wonder how much I could sue Metrodate.com for for providing the platform by which I met my pseudo-wife of 1 year and 1 day. I may have to look into this.


    Time to bounce for softball. Have a pleasant evening, y'all.

  • Women of the Day 05/31/06

    All followers are lost.


    Happy Poetry Day, y'all. I'd thought about dropping some of my own questionable verse on you to commemorate the occasion, but decided that the best way to honor this day was NOT to lay some poetry on y'all. You're quite welcome.

    Poet of the Day: Walt Whitman. I quite enjoyed Leaves of Grass, other than when I tried to smoke page 37, thinking it was something else. Live and Learn, n'est pas? Yes, Arthur Rimbaud is still the man, poetics-wise, but it's nice to diversify on occasion.


    Birthday wishes to Clint Eastwood and Colin Farrell today, because of who and what they are. The goods, baby.


    Word on the street has it that if you believe in any lie long enough and hard enough, it becomes truth. Here's hoping.


    Thanks to Yan and Carl for stopping by and commenting on my 1st wedding anniversary yesterday. That's correct, my life is a perfect example of how NOT to run yours; in pretty much every way, shape and whatnot. Maybe I really should hang out my shingle as a life coach, after all. I was hoping that my gift of paper would take the form of that promised annulment, but alas and alack: no go. Whoever decided to write in as the ex deserves thanks, also, although I might've preferred y'all not mentioning her actual name. But that's just me. I still appreciate the sentiment and effort. And tonight at softball, I may just chase you around the field with a bat, trying to show you how much. Or not. Whatever.

    And yes, I'm sure there'll be many more years just like this one forthcoming as I'm not exactly holding my breath on that annulment.


    Why did I get such strange looks the other night at work (even stranger than usual, that is) when, whilst we were discussing incarceration (don't ask, some of the denizens of the night come from unsavory backgrounds); I mentioned that I had no problem with doing time because I'm too ugly to rape? Mayhap because of how matter-of-factly I said it?


    So Andy Roddick got bounced from the French Open already? Karma's a cruel bitch, ain't she? Dude, you dated Mandy Moore; that's pretty much a lifetime's worth of good things. And now...the bad things shall come fast and furious-like. Batten down the hatches and shit.


    After an 11 hour shift, today's finally my Friday. Yay. Sadly, my days off will Fly by, what with softball tonight, tattoos (my anniversary gift to me)tomorrow and volleyball (as far as I know, haven't looked at the schedule yet) tomorrow night. And, of course, all kinds of troubled and feverish Sleepytime when and wherever I can fit it in.

    On the positive tip, my entire Saturday shift will be overtime. My automobile purchase looms ever nearer. Although...when I finally buy me a car, I won't be able to Leech rides off my lovely neighbor, complete fucking parasite what I am. However, I can offer to return the favor. She'll naturally decline, because it is I, but my 'conscience' will be crystal.


    She tells me things, I listen well.

    Hell, I even make like I care on occasion.


    The list:


    1) Susan Butcher (4 time winner of the Iditarod dog sled race. for some reason, the word Iditarod makes me giggle. also, a very nice womenfolks from once upon a time was interested in the sport.)


    2) Tina Brown (spent 8 years as editor of Vanity Fair, pioneering celebrity journalism and becoming one of the U.S.' most visible magazine editors.)


    3) Baby Jane (whatever happened to her, anyway? I always liked the Rod Stewart tune, also. yeah, I know, more of a J than a B, call it poetic licence.)


    4) Bailey Boobies (sometimes the name really DOES say it all. but Wait, there's so much more to her than just a phenomenal rack. her ass is pretty spectacular, too.)


    5) Tasha Butts (I know what you're thinking, but...5'11'' Guard for the Charlotte Sting of the WNBA and a former University of Tennessee Volunteer.)


    Off to rest up for ball tonight. Enjoy your Humpday, y'all. I'll likely resurface later in the day.

  • Women of the Day 05/30/06

    My name is Alice and I remember everything.


    I genuinely want something really bad, of damn near Biblical proportions, to happen to all them anti-smoking fascists.


    The Pope's visit to Auschwitz: How could god (or whoever) tolerate the Holocaust? Simple, son, your boy god (or whoever) is fucking DEAD. And no one cares.


    The server has just come back online, and there may be some changes, as everything seems to have changed in favor of trying to get folks to actually fucking PAY to have a blog. Uh huh, sure pal. Anyway, as long as the lingerie ads stay up, it's all pretty much 5 by 5. Or not. We'll simply have to see wherefore the day takes us.


    Song of the Day: the little Happy Anniversary tune that Barney Rubble bangs out on the stolen piano in that episode of The Flintstones. Yes, that's right, kiddies, as of 4 MST this a.m., I've been married for an entire year to a woman I've spent 26 hours with and haven't even spoken to in over 6 months. Good Times.

    To: Mrs. B. Manson

    cc: Tout le monde

    Subject: Happy Anniversary

    Dear B:

    One year of wedded bliss already. Hard to believe, ain't it?

    How are you? I am fine.

    By the by, how's that annulment you promised to take care of coming along? Hopefully all is proceeding smoothly on that front.

    Your pal,


    P.S.: No hard feelings.


    U.S. road rage has carried over to the actual purchasing of gasoline. Drivers across the land are going off on clerks and cashiers and driving off without paying. Yeah, that'll really hit the oil companies where they live, your stupid ass getting thrown in jail for nothing. Fuck that noise, picket or, you know, firebomb the oil companies themselves. You, too, CAN make a difference.


    Happy Compact Disc Day, y'all. To mark the occasion; CD of the Day: Melissa Etheridge's eponymous debut album. It's been that kind of week. Yet again. I especially like Occasionally.


    So as I was watching parts of A Cinderella Story on TV yet again yesterday, I finally realized a fundamental truth: that Hilary Duff's kinda Fly, ain't she?


    Apparently there's been some trouble in Indonesia, something about an act of god (or whoever) or something. Last time I checked, there was another one on the way. I was gonna go with death toll at who gives a fuck?, but instead I'll opt to simply re-evaluate my obviously erroneous views on god (or whoever) and religion and such. Obviously they're mistaken. Mea culpa and all that sort of thing. For the redundancy as well. I'm sleepy.


    Sigh. If Only she had a doppelganger. Although I like to believe that in some parallel universe we're living together happily ever after. It's pretty much all that keeps me going some days.

    Yes, even if said doppelganger were psychotic, as such beings often are. Beggars can't be choosing, after all.


    Heartfelt condolences to the family, friends and fans of actor Paul Gleason who tragically passed recently. Yes, he was best known for his role in The Breakfast Club, but he was pretty solid in Johnny Be Good (an underrated classic), also. He'll be missed.


    So Iraq is poised to become Iran's main ally? Never thought I'd see that, but hating the Great Satan that some see as the U.S. kinda tends to unite folks worldwide and heal all rifts. Simply one more country to nuke. Right after these Afghan folks what are rioting.


    The list:


    1) Melody Anderson (portrayed the gratuitous love interest in the timeless classic Flash Gordon, but she's here mostly because she once appeared in an episode of Jake and the Fatman.)


    2) Amina Annabi (hot Tunisian star of The Sheltering Sky. my Tunisian content's been weak, and I always strive to be like one of them early 90's Benetton ads.)


    3) Jennifer Aspen (nope, don't ski, but I can think of a few things I'd love to do in Aspen. what? I'm tired and I'm grumpy, that was the best I could come up with. shapely blonde who was apparently on Party of Five at least once.)


    4) Mary Astor (to drop some real old school on y'all. started off in silent films. won an Oscar in 1941. her most famous role was in The Maltese Falcon.)


    5) Tracy Austin (at 16, she became the youngest player to win the U.S. Open. named Associated Press Athlete of the Year 2X before she turned 20. youngest player ever inducted into the Tennis Hall of Fame at 24.)


    Off to relive My Favorite Mistake and maybe think about the ex-wife (or whatever the fuck I should call her) also, time permitting. May your first day back from Memorial Day weekend and/or your Tuesday (as the case may be) be a damn sight better than mine. And I'll be doing some heavy pining for the remastered and reissued DVD (and limited theatrical release) of Blade Runner in September. Good thing I've held off until now on purchasing the film.