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  • Women of the Day 6/30/05

    A big shout out to my boy Yan for the creative and insightful comment this a.m. I especially appreciated your use of the term self-absorbed cocksucker (self-absorption is kinda the whole point of having a blog, don't ya think?). That alleged doctorate is FINALLY beginning to pay dividends for you, huh, big guy? Your mother and I are very proud of you. Let's see: Yes, I've told B repeatedly and liberally that I love her and am in love with her, still, even if I don't always like her as much as I probably should. No, I don't tell her that last part. Yes, I'm a selfish low-life. Yes, I love you for the hate mail, you sodomite. Yes, you're my daddy. There, happy now? Oh, and thanks for not mentioning exactly how little chance there is of me landing the fair Kendra. Much appreciated. Although, now, I'm sure you'll go into great detail as to how slim my odds actually are. Fuck.

    When you're ready to learn, a teacher will appear. Today, I learned that the reverse is also true. A lightning bolt (no, not the kind I likely deserve) of inspiration hit me when I heard on the radio that the Backstreet Boys are coming (all the way from the hood...) to my neck of the woods on their We Really Need The Money Tour. I'm not sure if the tickets have gone on sale yet, but I explained my theory of meeting young, eligible, preferably legal women whilst standing in line for tickets which you'll never buy to a young fellow cog in the machine. Some days it's good to be me, sharing the knowledge with the next generation. I'm a real humanitarian. A sage, even.

    They're moving all the products around at my local Safeway, so naturally, I wander the aisles with a glazed look in my eyes and a whimper on my lips. I did, however, manage to find the frosting aisle. Despite a sudden urge to buy one of everything (I SO don't have to worry about getting fat: if THAT doesn't get me hate mail, NOTHING will; DAMN! those Christians are tolerant. When did that happen?), I managed to pull myself away. Some days I'm all about the willpower. Then, I found myself humming along to Hootie and the Blowfish's Let Her Cry. Surely that's one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Next the moon will turn to sackcloth and ashes or some such shit. Actually, I have the 1st Hootie album (free cd club selection) because it was pimped in a comic strip (I'm SO like that), and I really do like the song Hannah Jane. One of the few that didn't make it to the radio, if I recall.

    I arrived home to find that someone had parked their shiny blue car in my unused parking stall. Naturally, my 1st instinct (2nd, too) was to have the fucker towed. But that'd just be a little too green-eyed monster (not having a car and all) for my tastes. However, if it's still there when next I pass by, it's SO gone. All in the name of justice. Vengeance is mine, sayeth I. Actually, I could give a fuck, but if the yokel ain't going to pay me rent or at least ask, what else can I do? Some folks just gots to get got. That's the only way they'll learn. I ain't nobody's bitch; although if my beloved Mandy asked...who's to say.

    Then I decided to brave the new Fucking Dumbass Card system and do some laundry this a.m. Supposedly we were to be given one free wash and one free dry cycle on our cards. Uh, no, as I discovered when I put my card in the machine (still haven't lost it, YET. yay, me!). Then, the reload machine required a bank card, not cash. So I trudged my way back to Stately Deranged Manor and grabbed one of my multitude of bank cards. Which, of course, wouldn't swipe; no matter how hard I tried. Eventually, I managed to navigate the fucking thing, but it's totally given me a headache. Fortunately, I'll be going back to bed soon, with the covers pulled up WAY over my head.

    So I've decided to cultivate a new, young intellectual-type image. In order to try and improve my miniscule odds with Kendra. I think I'll start smoking a pipe (glass, of course, otherwise the crack just doesn't taste right) and wearing my glasses more. As opposed to my current policy of almost never in public. Or maybe just one of them bubble pipes; a great conversation starter. And where can I get good quality Argyle sweater vests? I'm going all-out. Anything to make it seem like I'm not the total dunderhead what y'all know that I am.

    Shortly after I arrived at work last night, a local radio station played, consecutively: Vacation and Train in Vain. Naturally, I cranked the radio (all by myself) up to 11, danced the Frug and sang along. Then the moment was killed when they played Ironic. Sadly, it was. Or at least moreso than anything in the song.

    The list, again with the patterns:

    1) Willow Bay (HOT former cohost of NBA Inside Stuff. I always wanted to see behind the scenes footage of her getting double or even triple teamed by some young black Bucks, Milwaukee or otherwise. sadly, I was always denied. sigh.)

    2) Summer Sanders (HOT current cohost of NBA Inside Stuff. perhaps she'll fulfill my hopes and dreams, in a way which Willow likely did, but is only available in the private collections of half the starting lineups in the Association.)

    3) Lisa Leslie (all about the Nubian Queens sometimes. especially tall ones with game. occasionally makes cameos in various WB and UPN sitcoms and such.)

    4) Chamique Holdsclaw (awesome college player for the mighty Tennessee Volunteers (my favorite school, by the by) whose pro career was temporarily derailed by crippling bouts of depression; something which I can totally relate to. fortunately, I believe she's back playing again, and, all kidding aside, I wish her nothing but the best.)

    5) Lauren Jackson (apparently, she's a pretty good player, but more importantly, she's posed naked; and has a pretty solid frame. not too-bad looking, either. did I mention she's tall?)

    I'm off to look into purchasing seasons of Martin and/or the Jamie Foxx Show on DVD. I loved those shows. Especially Martin. Y'all can keep your Friends and such, give me an angry young black man with a cutting sense of humor and some attitude any day. And don't even get me started on those reality shows. That's why they televise sporting events. That's as real as TV gets, y'all. Damn, this soapbox is high. I think I'm getting a nosebleed. And I have to try and ascertain (I went to college, I know all kinds of words) exactly how I got this divot in my right wrist. At some point in the near future, I'll post pictures of my latest leg injury. SO not for the faint of heart.

  • Why do I even fucking bother?

    Talking to the wife just grows more and more painful daily. She continues to become more and more dramatic each time we speak. I know that I'm not entirely without blame here; hell, I'll stand up like a man and take all the blame. Someone's got to do it. Folks like us just should NEVER marry. A hard lesson, but an invaluable one.

    Thanks to friend of the site Chun for the offer of moral support and tequila. Much appreciated. I may be looking for folks to accompany me to LV in the near future.

    Thanks to Sonya of MSRedSonya's "Discover the World Around You" "Be Aware, Be Informed, Be Involved" for her comment, also. Damn, girl, how ever did someone so educated and worldly happen across my little site? It must be due to my constant courting of the intellectual elite. No, that doesn't sound right. Yes, I AM actually married, and yes, I AM quite smitten with pornography. It keeps me out of trouble. And jail. And the morgue.

    After a google search of my new Crush, it turns out that I had good reason to be intimidated by her. She's a published, award-winning intellectual in the field of neuroscience. I can walk and chew gum at the same time. Occasionally. Notice any disparity there? Me either.

    Again, big props to god for his efforts to fuck me up. Which happen to coincide with my own such efforts.

  • Women of the Day 6/29/05

    Another big shout out to the online poker community. 12 more comments, and one of them is actually still around. I just read them this morning. All comments go to my msn mailbox. Thanks to my sister for an update on her criminal activities. I know nothing (literally). I saw nothing. I heard nothing.

    Apparently, the wife called 3 times last night and the folks 2X while I had the ringer off and was getting ready for work. Tragic. At least I know the folks are alive and stuff. I'm pretty sure that I know why the wife was calling (after she said she'd be out and would e-mail or call me today); needless to say, it's likely bad news. She's been after me for a while to send her pictures of me and my friends (pictures of me are few and far between, something about broken cameras and/or my reflection not appearing). Dunderhead what I can be (in my defence, I was feeling a little sluggish and, you know, ebolaed yesterday), I sent her my softball team picture from last year. So she could see what my boy Yan (who I hit in the face with the ball on Friday night) and my best friend Jason look like. Oh yeah, and I believe the lovely Kendra appears in the picture as well. You can likely imagine what ensued: the 3rd degree about which one was my neighbor, and what's her name and all the usual sort of thing. The woman I married was strong and self-sufficient. Sadly, the woman I'm married to: not so much. Sigh. Anyway, the upshot of all this backstory is that I received another ultimatum: if I'm not coming to stay when I go to El Paso for her birthday, not to bother coming at all. Despite the fact that she's known all along that I'm only coming for the weekend. Or was. Who knows? Truthfully, I'm not at all sure that I care all that much anymore.

    Those of you unfortunate enough to know me realize that I don't deal with ultimatums (or authority figures) especially well. Furthermore, those who know me (you think you know, but you don't), and, more importantly, know Kendra; realize there's no there there. She barely knows I'm alive, but that's not the point. At this point it's not about having someone else on the line. Although if the opportunity arises (it won't), I'll take it. Rather, it all boils down to this: B used to make me happy and make me feel good about myself. Now, not so much. Sadly, this whole deal requires me to do some (gasp!) thinking. SO not my strong suit.

    Maybe I'll fire up some online poker. Especially if (hint hint, nudge nudge) the folks sending me comments want to hook me up with $ for pimping their sites. I ain't too proud to beg. Trips to LV for a divorce and just for good times ain't free. And, of course, I've got a neighbor to woo. All of which requires money. Come on, y'all, hook a brother UP!

    The list, I looked around and there a pattern was:

    1) Kendra Jade (very fine porn star. this one was obvious, the rest were more on the grasping at straws tip.)

    2) Kendra's Coloring Book.com (interactive/virtual online coloring. I colored a bear, he was brown and big and mean and scary looking. growl and all that.)

    3) Lt. Kendra Williams (the first female pilot in combat, in an F/A-18 Hornet. in Iraq, I believe, but as I merely skimmed the article, I wouldn't swear to it.)

    4) Mistress Kendra Knight (dominatrix and so much more. her site had some good pictures, and some that were just plain weird. sometimes, everybody needs some weird in their life.)

    5) Kendra from The Apprentice (that's the one with The Donald, right? I don't watch (or, currently, tape. sigh.) any of those shows, but she looked pretty hot, so why not? and folks say I'm no poet? hah!)

    Sadly, it seems as though the painting folk are back outside my balcony this a.m. I truly hope they're done by noonish, when I retire to my chamber. Otherwise, there may be an incident perpetrated.